The Art of Breathing by TJ Klune

Author:TJ Klune [Klune, TJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: gay romance
ISBN: 978-1-62798-926-8
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Published: 2014-06-16T04:00:00+00:00

FOR BETTER or worse, Eddie Egan hasn’t changed a bit.

“Tell me, Tyson,” he says as I sit across from him in his office, “at any point were you ever attracted physically to your mother?”

“I’m pretty sure that was never an issue,” I say. “Plus, there’s the whole gay thing, you know.”

“Right.” He frowns as he scribbles something ludicrously long on the legal pad in front of him. Bear and I have a bet going that he’s not actually taking notes just to do so for the session. Bear thinks he’s writing a book about the crazier of his patients, and that I’m going to be included. I think that he thinks he’s the one in therapy and is writing down all the things he wants to work on for himself. “The whole gay thing. You know, I’ve been doing some research about that.”

Uh-oh. “Have you?”

“Yes.”

I wait, but he just stares at me. “And what was the conclusion of your research?” I finally ask, unsure if that’s the smart thing to do.

“That there’s absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality,” he says. “It’s perfectly natural. Anyone who says otherwise is completely irresponsible.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Did you know that almost fifteen hundred species of animals have been observed engaging in homosexual behavior?”

“I think I heard that somewhere. Jeopardy, maybe.”

“Animals from penguins to baboons have been documented in homosexual relationships! Why, right now you could be infected with acanthocephalans who are at this very minute touching each other’s proboscis! Though, to have the gut worm, you would most likely have had to eaten scarabaeid beetle grubs. Have you eaten any beetle grubs lately?”

“None,” I say. “I’m a vegetarian, remember?”

“That’s right,” he says, sounding extraordinarily disappointed. He takes another half page of notes. “There seems to be a large quantity of same-sex pairings in birds. However, the zoo turned down my request to observe the penguins there, and I’m just absolutely terrified of pigeons. I was assaulted once when I was younger by two pigeons who wanted to eat my cotton candy when I was on the boardwalk, and I really haven’t been the same since.”

“There used to be a seagull that hated Bear,” I offer, only because I am at a loss for anything else to say.

“Was it a homophobic seagull?” Eddie asks. He pours me a glass of water and sets it on the small table between us.

“I really couldn’t say.”

“That’s too bad. It’s one thing to document homosexuality in animals, but could you imagine documenting animal hate crimes? That would be groundbreaking!”

“The Nobel Prize would surely be yours.”

“The laurels would never cease,” he agrees. “Since the zoo recklessly denied me entrance and since pigeons are the spawn of the devil with nothing but malice in their hearts and minds, I thought it best to proceed with ducks. I staked out a prime location at a duck pond in the park nearby and attempted to record any sightings of homosexual behavior.”

“You were in the bushes, weren’t you.”

His face lit up. “I was! I figure if there’s any chance of seeing homosexual sex, the best place would be in the park in the bushes.

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